Dating Advice

Picking a person to spend your life with is a very serious decision. Marrying the wrong person can affect many people such as yourself, your partner, any children involved and both extended families. The estimated divorce rate in the United States is around 50% for first-time marriages. So, what are the main causes for marriage failure?

• Marrying when a couple are too young.
  The divorce rate for those 25 years old or younger is high. The main reason for marriage failure for young people is that young people are not mature enough to know what they really need and have not developed their self-identities yet.
• Making the marriage decision too fast.
  Marriage is a serious decision that you should take many aspects into consideration. I recommend that a couple should date for at least two years to make sure that they are making the right choice. Although it seems like two years is a long time, only time can prove if your decision is correct. Sometimes, romantic feeling can cloud personal judgment, blinding you to accept any incompatibilities that you may see but you choose not to mind. Besides, some incompatibilities may not be revealed in the first year. By the second year, most serious incongruities will emerge.
• Having spent too little time together.
  Getting to know your potential partner in as many different social environments and situations as possible before marriage is one key to future marital success. You will be able to see how your partner reacts to problems and situations that may not come up in everyday life. Also, you will be able to see if you two can face and solve those problems and situations together.
• Being too eager to get married.
  When people’s self-identities have not yet developed, they may believe that marriage will make them whole and emotionally secure. However, when they get married and find that their personal problems are still there, they will feel very sad. Some people in this situation may even project anger and resentment onto their partners because their partners have not made them whole. Divorcees and those who have recently lost a partner are especially vulnerable to being over-eager to get married because they feel so emotionally bad about themselves that they think the pain they are experiencing will magically go away once married. However, they are likely to fail in a new marriage because they have not taken any self-improvement steps to rebuild emotional health before partnering with another.
• Marrying to please some other people.
  Marrying a person to please your parents or your partner is usually a wrong decsion for marriage. If you are not ready for the level of commitment marriage requires, please give yourself more time. Entering into a marriage prematurely can result in both partners having different levels of passion for the marriage itself. In a healthy relationship, however, that level of passion is similar; both people should be excited and enthusiastic about taking the big step.
• False expectations about what a marriage is.
  Marriage survey has reported that false expectations about what a marriage is supposed to be like lead to 20% of all first marriages ending by the fifth year. So, it is very important to realize that all marriages have their own challenges. Be realistic and acknowledge that there will be some difficulties that will come up. Besides, you should manage your own expectations and your assumptions about your partner’s expectations. Do not assume that your partner has the same expectations as you do. If you are in doubt, ask your partner. Good communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship.
• Underestimating a personality or behavioral problem.
  Marriage cannot solve major personality or character flaws in a person’s behavior. Although some negative traits such as alcohol, food issues, depression and anxiety may not be present all the time, they may come up over and over again in your relationship. You have to ask yourself honestly if you can tolerate these problems throughout the rest of your life. In addition, if children are involved, you must consider the impact this problem will have on them as well. While there may be a few character traits and qualities you recognize are compatible with you that you seek in people, the sum total of all traits and qualities is the most important. You should not settle for the best person available to you right now. If you know in your heart that someone is incompatible with you, do yourself a favor to end the relationship. There are other people who will come into your life if you are looking for them actively.