Dating Advice

Recently, I have talked to one of my best friend who had been single for a few years. She told me that she just could not find the right guy. Then I asked her what kind of guy she was looking for. She replied vaguely that she would like a nice guy who treated her right. By getting her vague answer, I understand why she has a problem finding the right guy.

In order to find your ideal partner, you need to do the followings:

• Be specific on describing what qualities your ideal partner must have.
  When you ask people looking for cars what kind of cars they need, they will be very specific. For example, they will tell you if they need used or new cars, how many doors their cars should have and what colors of cars they want. I find this amazing because even though you will not drive your car in your whole life, you can be very specific. However, although their future partners will live with them for the rest of their lives, many people just do not spend much time on thinking and listing what criteria their partners should have. Being specific is very important because if you do not know what qualities you are looking for in your partner, how can you find your ideal partner?
• Define and write down what your ideal partner should be.
  You should have 3 pages of definition for your ideal partner. Page one is all about the things that are non-negotiable to you. For example, this person should not smoke; this person should not be violent; this person is not addicted to alcohol or any other dangerous drug. So, this page should contain core agreements that must be true before you even think about dating each other. Page two is about the things that would be nice but not necessary to have. For example, this person likes cycling; this person has a similar educational background as you; this person has the same religion as you. Page three is like the icing on the cake. For example, you would like this person having long hair, strong muscles and very hardworking.
• Review and question your definition for your ideal partner.
  You should focus on what exactly you are looking for and question yourself if all of your criteria listed in the last step make sense. For example, if you are a six foot tall woman and want a man taller than you, do you think you are making your life harder than it needs to be? Review your pages regularly to find out what are preventing you from finding your ideal partner. Then you may need to remove some requirements. As your requirements may change over time, you may also need to add new requirements. Reviewing your definition also gets you to rank what really matters to you. Somethings you have been stumbling over in the past may become outdated. If you know who your ideal partner is like, then you can avoid inappropriate people, wasted dates and painful relationship breakups.

Finding your ideal partner may require more steps as outlined above. Be sure to read our dating advice often to get more tips for finding your soul mate.