It is true that the more people you communicate with, the faster you will find the right person. However, if you communicate multiple people at the same time, you will find yourself going for coffee with Jane on Monday, bowling with Mary on Wednesday and to a movie with Diana on Thursday. Unless you write down all the details of your conversations with your dates, you will be likely to forget what they have told you and your dates will think you do not care what you were told by them.

However, if you respect the feelings of the people you see and are truly looking for qualities that will lead to a long-term relationship, it may be okay not to go steady with someone as of the first date. These are some advantages to going on dates with different people when you make a decision about who is the best candidate for commitment.

• Speeding up the Process of Finding the Right Person
  Some people go to a first date and the chemistry is there immediately. However, for others, they have to date a person many times (maybe over several weeks or months) to know whether there is chemistry in the air. If you immediately exclude all other people from the moment you have your first date with a person until you find that it is not a good match, you may have to go through many mini-relationships in a row before you find the right person. Going on dates with a few different good candidates around the same time helps you find out fast who’s wrong, without forcing you to wait and wait and wait to find out who’s right.
• Allowing you to Compare among People
  Is a person more thoughtful than the others? Is a person’s interest matching yours more? Are some people punctual? You can compare people’s personality more and easily when your memory is fresh than when you are comparing your date today to someone you dated six months ago.
• Making you Self-Confident and improving your Dating Skills
  Dating is very similar to looking for a job. Job hunting is never easy. Going on multiple interviews helps you to be less nervous each time and teaches you how to sell yourself to potential employers.
  Similarly, by going on several first dates, you can learn to be less nervous and focus more on the person you are dating. Instead of worrying about what to say, you soon learn how to ask the right questions to help you either find the sparks of chemistry or find out that this person is just not the right one for you. Because you know that you have some other dates lined up, the pressure on this specific date simply isn’t there and you can relax a lot more.

Allowing you to have more than one date at the same time can be beneficial and enriching. When you find the right person eventually, you should pledge a commitment to date exclusively because you know that this person is the best among all the other people you have dated.

• Do not say what you mean.
  When your partner said or done something you did not like, instead of telling the truth, have you said it was fine but then you felt upset? People like to be with a person who is comfortable communicating his/her needs, wants and desires. Do not say one thing when you actually mean another. You should get into the habit of saying what you mean.
• Change your partner.
  No one wants to be controlled by others and every one likes freedom. You need to accept your partner for who he/she is. If you cannot accept, then do not date this person and date other person. The point of dating is to meet different kinds of people, find out what qualities of your ideal partner should have and then find this ideal partner. Instead of changing a person to whom you love, you need to keep looking for your special someone who may be far from perfect but whose imperfections you have no desire to change.
• Change plans often.
  Reports have found that people do not like their partners who cannot commit to their plans or constantly flake on plans. If you often pencil in your plans with a “maybe” or cancel plans at the last minute, you are giving your partner the impression that he/she is tentative in your life. Most people do not want to be temporary lovers. So, do your best to commit your plans.
• Do not play fair.
  People pay attention to whether you are playing fair. For example, when there is a disagreement, you are not being fair if you throw things in your partner’s face, hold grudges and insist on winning every argument. The dating game requires plenty of give-and-take. When you can calm down and play fair, you can not only get along well with your partner, but also leave a good impression to your partner.
• Give ultimatums.
  None of us like ultimatums. When the relationship between you and your partner is healthy and happy, ultimatums are not necessary. If you issue ultimatums, you are implying to your partner that you guys’ communication has broken down. So, ultimatum is a huge turn-off and should not be used at all.

• Do create an interesting and fun environment when dating.
• Do stay positive even when dates do not end well. It is very likely that you need to date a few people before you can find the one you are looking for. Treat each unsuccessful date as a lesson to learn how to communicate and interact with people.
• Do try to look your best and be punctual on dates. If you know you are going to be late, phone and let your date know that you are going to be late at least 15 minutes before your meeting time.
• Do interest your date and be interested. Do your best to say or do something to interest your date and be interested to hear what your date says.
• Do tell people if you are not interested in dating them again. If you do not want to see some people again, then let them know that in the nicest possible way you can.
• Do date the kind of people you like and are attracted to.
• Do flatter and compliment your date on the way they look and the things they wear. People tend to put some effort on their look. So, being told that you look good is a good thing to hear.
• Do go out and meet as many people as you can. Practice your chat with strangers such as bar attendants, shop workers and bank tellers. As your communication skills get better, you will not be shy and have more topics to talk about with your date.
• Do have a list of places you always want to visit in your local area. This list will come in handy when dating.
• Do surround yourself with positive and like-minded friends who are also dating. You and your friends can help and encourage each other in dating matters.

Dating Don’ts

• Do not give out personal information such as home phone number and address on the first few dates until you are sure your date is a good person.
• Do not date the kind of people who have dumped you before.
• Do not call your date more than once a day if your date does not reply.
• Do not tell lies to your date. When your date finds out the truth, your date will get disappointed and not trust you any more.
• Do not be late for a date unless you have a very good reason.
• Do not be too available. Being available every night of the week means you are making yourself uninteresting and you have nothing to do except waiting to be dated. Be busy, unavailable sometimes and interesting.
• Do not talk to your friends on your cell when you are with your date for more than 5 minutes. Your date will get bored while you are on the phone. Have the courtesy of concentrating solely on your date when you are in a date.
• Do not be rude or get drunk on a date.
• Do not ignore your personal safety on the first few dates. Have a fully charged cell ready. Tell your parents or friends the name of your date, your date’s phone number and the meeting place. Call your date’s phone number to confirm it is right and meet in well-known public places.
• Do not give away too much details about yourself when you two start to know each other. People like mystery. A small bit of details about yourself at a time makes you interesting.

In order to find your ideal partner, you need to do the followings:

• Be specific on describing what qualities your ideal partner must have.
  When you ask people looking for cars what kind of cars they need, they will be very specific. For example, they will tell you if they need used or new cars, how many doors their cars should have and what colors of cars they want. I find this amazing because even though you will not drive your car in your whole life, you can be very specific. However, although their future partners will live with them for the rest of their lives, many people just do not spend much time on thinking and listing what criteria their partners should have. Being specific is very important because if you do not know what qualities you are looking for in your partner, how can you find your ideal partner?
• Define and write down what your ideal partner should be.
  You should have 3 pages of definition for your ideal partner. Page one is all about the things that are non-negotiable to you. For example, this person should not smoke; this person should not be violent; this person is not addicted to alcohol or any other dangerous drug. So, this page should contain core agreements that must be true before you even think about dating each other. Page two is about the things that would be nice but not necessary to have. For example, this person likes cycling; this person has a similar educational background as you; this person has the same religion as you. Page three is like the icing on the cake. For example, you would like this person having long hair, strong muscles and very hardworking.
• Review and question your definition for your ideal partner.
  You should focus on what exactly you are looking for and question yourself if all of your criteria listed in the last step make sense. For example, if you are a six foot tall woman and want a man taller than you, do you think you are making your life harder than it needs to be? Review your pages regularly to find out what are preventing you from finding your ideal partner. Then you may need to remove some requirements. As your requirements may change over time, you may also need to add new requirements. Reviewing your definition also gets you to rank what really matters to you. Somethings you have been stumbling over in the past may become outdated. If you know who your ideal partner is like, then you can avoid inappropriate people, wasted dates and painful relationship breakups.

Finding your ideal partner may require more steps as outlined above. Be sure to read our dating advice often to get more tips for finding your soul mate.

• Marrying when a couple are too young.
  The divorce rate for those 25 years old or younger is high. The main reason for marriage failure for young people is that young people are not mature enough to know what they really need and have not developed their self-identities yet.
• Making the marriage decision too fast.
  Marriage is a serious decision that you should take many aspects into consideration. I recommend that a couple should date for at least two years to make sure that they are making the right choice. Although it seems like two years is a long time, only time can prove if your decision is correct. Sometimes, romantic feeling can cloud personal judgment, blinding you to accept any incompatibilities that you may see but you choose not to mind. Besides, some incompatibilities may not be revealed in the first year. By the second year, most serious incongruities will emerge.
• Having spent too little time together.
  Getting to know your potential partner in as many different social environments and situations as possible before marriage is one key to future marital success. You will be able to see how your partner reacts to problems and situations that may not come up in everyday life. Also, you will be able to see if you two can face and solve those problems and situations together.
• Being too eager to get married.
  When people’s self-identities have not yet developed, they may believe that marriage will make them whole and emotionally secure. However, when they get married and find that their personal problems are still there, they will feel very sad. Some people in this situation may even project anger and resentment onto their partners because their partners have not made them whole. Divorcees and those who have recently lost a partner are especially vulnerable to being over-eager to get married because they feel so emotionally bad about themselves that they think the pain they are experiencing will magically go away once married. However, they are likely to fail in a new marriage because they have not taken any self-improvement steps to rebuild emotional health before partnering with another.
• Marrying to please some other people.
  Marrying a person to please your parents or your partner is usually a wrong decsion for marriage. If you are not ready for the level of commitment marriage requires, please give yourself more time. Entering into a marriage prematurely can result in both partners having different levels of passion for the marriage itself. In a healthy relationship, however, that level of passion is similar; both people should be excited and enthusiastic about taking the big step.
• False expectations about what a marriage is.
  Marriage survey has reported that false expectations about what a marriage is supposed to be like lead to 20% of all first marriages ending by the fifth year. So, it is very important to realize that all marriages have their own challenges. Be realistic and acknowledge that there will be some difficulties that will come up. Besides, you should manage your own expectations and your assumptions about your partner’s expectations. Do not assume that your partner has the same expectations as you do. If you are in doubt, ask your partner. Good communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship.
• Underestimating a personality or behavioral problem.
  Marriage cannot solve major personality or character flaws in a person’s behavior. Although some negative traits such as alcohol, food issues, depression and anxiety may not be present all the time, they may come up over and over again in your relationship. You have to ask yourself honestly if you can tolerate these problems throughout the rest of your life. In addition, if children are involved, you must consider the impact this problem will have on them as well. While there may be a few character traits and qualities you recognize are compatible with you that you seek in people, the sum total of all traits and qualities is the most important. You should not settle for the best person available to you right now. If you know in your heart that someone is incompatible with you, do yourself a favor to end the relationship. There are other people who will come into your life if you are looking for them actively.

• Practice your conversation.
  Practice does make perfect. If you feel that your conversational skills are not good especially under the added pressure of a first date, then you should practice. Read the article What should I Say in my First Date? to prepare and practice what to say until you feel confident.
• Be relaxed in your first date.
  The more tense you get about a date, the more difficult you will perform well and create an interesting environment. Here are some tips to release your tension:
  • Treat your first dates as meeting your good friends whom you have not met for a very long time. So, you should show care to them and most of your topics should be around them.
  • Work on getting more first dates. The more you practice, the better you perform in your first dates. So, you will be a lot more relaxed about dating because if this date does not work out, you have a number of others that probably will.
  • Fear is an indication of a lack of confidence and preparation. So, prepare at least 5 questions and work on them that will kick start an interesting conversation.
  • Remember the fact that not all first dates can lead to second dates. If you do not get a second date even though you would like one. It could be because you two are not compatible but not because you are not a nice person or you do not perform well.
• The conversation topic should be about them.
  People love to talk about themselves and things that interest them. One of your primary goals in a first date conversation (or any dating conversation) is to let them enjoy themselves. If they are having fun with you on a date, then the chances are they will want to go out with you again. To do this, you should ask them questions they enjoy to talk about. These are some good examples:
  • What do you enjoy to do in your free time?
  • What are you most passionate about?
  • Who are your favorite film stars? What do you like about them?

In conclusion, the most important thing is that you ask questions that make them feel good and they have a fun date with you. When they have a fun date with you, it is very likely that they will want to have more dates with you.

• Keep your conversation mostly about your partner. People like to be the center of the universe.
• Do not just ask random questions. Before going to a date, prepare some topics that you have discussed with your partner before in emails or phone calls so that your partner will feel that you are serious and can remember what you guys have said before.
• Look for intimacy rather than information with your questions.
• Keep the conversation light enough so that your partner can open up but do not feel interrogated.
• Get your partner to talk about things that excite him/her.
• Keep in mind that you are in this conversation to get the option of a date. Make sure that every question you ask leads in the general direction of seduction.
• Give compliments whenever possible to make your partner feel happy and satisfied.

• Write a list of good and bad qualities about yourself.
  We focus too much on other people’s qualities and fail to look at ours. So, take some time to write down your good qualities that you can be proud of such as physical attributes, mental or emotional strengths, successes you have experienced and the way you support your friends. Then write down your bad qualities. Most of us can only see and feel upset about other people’s bad qualities. Actually, we have our own bad qualities too. These bad qualities could be being late in a meeting and get mad easily. So, write them down to remind yourself to correct them. Make these lists as long as possible, and then keep adding to it. Once you correct your bad qualities, remove them from your list.
• Ask people around you to add good and bad qualities in your list.
  Go to the people around you and ask them what they think about your good and bad qualities. You will be surprised to find out that they can see a lot more of your strengths and weaknesses than you.
• Find out what you need.
  Most people do not really know what they need. They can go through their lives living only for others without thinking What they want and What the best is for them. The best way to love yourself is to pay attention to what you want and need in your job, relationships, friendships and whole life.
• Treat yourself like your best friends.
  You support, respect and care about your best friends. Just do the same for yourself. For example, you would challenge them when they are making bad decisions with their lives, challenge yourself too. Also, remind yourself of your immense worth as a person and that you deserve great things in your life. Furthermore, challenge yourself to do the best possible in your life.
• Take good care of your body.
  Eat as healthy as and exercise as much as possible. Take good care of yourself physically is one way to show yourself love. By treating our bodies well, we send ourselves the message that we deserve good things.
• Take good care of your spirit.
  Slow down after work and take the time to pray, meditate, connect with others and/or read meaningful books. These will nourish our love for ourselves and enrich our lives in many ways.
• Protect yourself from being taken advantage of.
  When you know how to love yourself, you are not willing to let someone take advantage of you. Do not be the kind of person who can tolerate anything in a relationship only because you desperately want to be loved. You are worth more than that. Protect yourself from people who do not have your best interest at heart and choose not to allow yourself to be treated in unloving and disrespectful ways.
• Forgive yourself when you make mistakes.
  We are human and all of us make mistakes. So, we cannot expect perfection all the time. When you make mistakes or find out something about yourself that you do not like, do not judge or harshly criticize yourself. Instead, be compassionate and remind yourself that you have already done your best.

Please note that loving yourself is not selfish. The more loving you are to yourself, the more love you can send out to other people in your life such as your family, your friends and the one you date. This fact is similar to how our hearts work - our hearts pump blood to themselves first before sending blood out to the rest of our bodies. So, from now on, love yourself more fully day after day.

• Am I the man she is looking for?
• What qualities of a man she would like me to have?
• Is my physical appearance attractive enough?

If you do, then this article is for you. After reading it, you will know what women are looking for in a man.

• A man who can share his feelings.
  Most women like a man who talks about what is going on inside his head and heart. They want a man who do not bottle things up or run away when times are tough. They think that it is good to share, and at least, let them know what you are going through, even if there is seemingly little they can do. While tears are completely appropriate on some occasions, most women want a man likely to be less emotional than they are.
• A man who is honest.
  Most women consider honesty as a very important quality she want in a man. Almost every single woman has been lied to by a man they loved. Before you assume that you are honest, take some time to think about if you have ever said that you would do something but you failed to do it. Women have learned to look for subtle inconsistencies during the first few dates. They think that by examining how you handle small things, they can anticipate whether you will be honest in big important issues.
• A man who is emotionally healthy.
  While women are not looking for men who have completely solved all their internal issues, they expect their men to be neuroses free. The most attractive men are confident men who are emotionally stable and at ease with themselves.
• A man who is attractive.
  Although most women think that physical appearance should not be the most important criterion for choosing a soul mate, they do agree that there must be some physical attraction in a man. If you compare the profile pictures from men and women, you will notice that most women seem to naturally take the time and effort to dress nicely, pick an attractive spot and send in pictures that are clear and flattering. However, men often send in pictures that are blurry, in strange positions (often sitting at their computers), with hair askew and bewildered expressions. With a digital camera and picture editing software, it is not difficult to create a good-looking picture. Women think that if you cannot do small thing well by creating a good picture of yourself, you cannot deal with a more important issue.

The above list of qualities is just a summary of things women are looking for in a man. The most important tip for relationship success is listening to what your partner has to say.

• Men like real women.
  If you like a man, it is natural for you to try to act as the woman he likes. However, the truth is that men like real women. So, you definitely should not pretend to be someone you are not. Men consider phoniness a huge turnoff. Thus, when you meet a guy next time, just be yourself. It could be that you would not attract every man you meet. However, the right man will be intrigued.
• Men like women being independent.
  Men like to have full and rewarding lives independent of relationship. It is because this allows them to nurture their career ambitions, enjoy time with friends, date interesting women, and live lives to the fullest. Men expect women to be the same - being strong, independent and fully in love with your own single life. If you have these qualities, you are very likely to attract a lot of men.
• Many men like women making the first move.
  In our traditional mind, men make the first move. However, there are single men out there who prefer that you make the first move. Actually, a lot of men report that they like it when a woman makes the first move because it lets them know women are interested and confident. However, please note that if you make the first move, do not make the second, third and fourth moves. Men like and need to be part of the delicate dating chase. If you do all the work, they will just stop chasing.
• Most single men are not marriage-minded.
  Like it or not, it is a fact that most single men are not marriage-minded. So, you should understand that most single men are not on the prowl for a wife. As women, we sometimes have marriage on our brains and often spend much of the first date evaluating whether or not the man seated across from us could be the husband you are looking for. On the other hand, men go on a first date to have a good time and then decide if they should have a second date with you. It is as simple as that. In other words, most men have the attitude that they just want to have fun and meet a variety of interesting people until they meet someone worth committing to.
• Men are comfortable committing with the right woman.
  I have heard many women complain that their boyfriends do not like to have any commitment. The truth is that when the right girl does come along, most single men are comfortable committing. They think that they need to take their time to get to know the women they date. So, when you meet someone truly special, you need to let him know that how special you are, what good qualities you have and how commitment with you makes both of his and your lives brighter.